The Return

It has only been too long since I last posted my note of hiatus.

Recently, in my writing intensive (and when I say intensive, I mean intensive) class, I had been struggling all semester long (up through this far, at least) trying to find my writing mojo. It was a frustrating time where not only did my writing grade suffer for it, my motivation for blogging was also shot.

However, the last paper, one that required us to analyze, break down, and conceptualize the reasons behind the success of a political speech, was one that played to my forte. I've always viewed myself as someone who writes well when he is analyzing. As Ronald Reagan said, "it's a time to return to the first principles."

Finding my writing mojo was easier than I thought. I had to return to the basics of what made me a writer. I wrote my best when I was painting a scene, conducting a musical score of letters and words. I wrote my best when I wasn't thinking, calculating my next line of argument. Well this is the return to what works. My last paper (and the good grade that came with it) was the affirmation of my writing style, and the confirmation of hope that He provided in response to my prayers.

My creativity is reflected not only in writing, but also my music. I've been so busy and hung up on the whirlwind of things that is happening around me, that I haven't really had time to indulge in delicious melodies, to dive into a sea of harmonies, and just lose myself in the synthesis of it all.

Tonight, I return to what I want to do with my late nights. Tonight, I sing with the stars. It's good to be back.

A better writer would have come up with a witty title for this.

I find myself struggling more and more to write academically. Actually, this is applied to writing in general. Perhaps it is because I am less passionate about each of the things that I am writing about, and/or not very well-versed in the topics for which I am required to move my pen.

As I continue to struggle with this growing problem, I feel nothing but just frustration; the lost creativity, the lost motivation, the lost concentration is something that I cannot get back very easily, or so it seems.

Until I find these three things, I may or may not post here. I will be back, but as of now, I need some help finding myself again.

The Puzzle Box

A concept that I've been recently exploring is the idea of being a child of god, and how one is fulfilled through complete trust and faith in the Lord.

Remember those puzzle boxes we used to play with as children, the one with the star shaped hole, the square shaped hole, and the circle shaped hole, and the respective blocks? Even when we were little, we soon figured out that the only way to get the blocks into the box, you needed to put the star block through the star hole, the square block in the square hole, and the circle block in the circle hole. Makes sense, no? http://image.made-in-china.com/2f0j00OMWaSJVlyrqd/Wooden-Building-Blocks-Box-861014-.jpg

Now imagine yourself as one of these puzzle boxes. However, instead of these geometric shapes, we have an interestingly shaped God-shaped hole. That's right...a hole shaped of God. Now, in our defiance and breaking away from the Heavenly Father, we think we're mature enough to be able to substitute whatever we want in this God-shaped hole. This is what we as Christians see as idols. We try to fit money, sex, career, family, love, relationships into the hole meant for God, and it leaves us empty and unfulfilled, since none of these fit correctly.

Only after we accept that there is nothing that we could possibly substitute for God, and that we have a loving Father God that allows us to become children again, and "regress" back into that childhood logic. Everything was much simpler back then: God is the only thing that fits into the God-shaped hole. When that happens, we are fulfilled, we are happy, we are faithful.

We have then, and only then, become children of God.

Schrodinger's Cat

The first time I heard this analogy was a little after junior year of high school, our AP Chemistry teacher had mentioned it almost as an afterthought, seemingly smirking because he was both messing with and blowing our minds at the same time.

The next time this little story came up was in General Chemistry, which actually explained the details, consequences, and applications of this.

I've noticed that this actually applies to many more things than just atomic physics and chemistry. It is a natural sense of anxiety and/or hope, based simply in our own knowledge base.

For instance, if my football team was expected to lose a big match-up against a division rival, but I had no television to actually watch the game, I would be, in a sense, both anxious and hopeful on what the result would be. This range collapses after I look up the score online afterward, where my team would have either won or lost, not both.

I think this has a lot to do with the concept of wanting to be in control of one's life, all the time; we seek to minimize the questionable, to lift the fog, and remove the sense of limbo from our lives. This is in relation to our new technological generation, where information is right at the tip of our fingertips. Sometimes, what we don't realize, is that spectrum of feeling, the sense of unknowing protects us, gives us hope. Some things can be left better unsaid.

For all of you guys who didn't know, this is where "curiosity killed the cat" comes from.

Maturity

As I've grown through college and become complacent with my status as an aging senior on campus, I suppose it is easy to say: "I've matured." However, with maturity comes many risks and problems that soon become apparent.

Maturity is only a hop away from pride, a skip away from missed priorities, and a jump away from the inevitable fall that follows.

I used to pride myself on the ability to get everything done, having not relied on anyone. That sense of independence was my drug, my delusion of grandeur, or as Elizabeth pointed out, my sludge. To be honest, it sure tasted pretty good when I was blind to what Jesus was offering.

We often talk about how we'd love to go back to high school, since all our classes were easy, things were very lax, and we could just hang out with people all the time. I am a huge proponent of letting my grades take a backseat (my grades are fine, thanks for asking) to spending time with friends and fellowship (IM Sports, sound familiar?).

The principle of this yearning to go back to a time when we were younger makes sense; we're just wanting it for the wrong reason. By saying this, we're still valuing our grades, our own free time more than the Father. I propose that we want to go back to a time when we were younger simply because being a child was amazing with an even more amazing Father. Who wouldn't want to be a child of God?

God bless Elizabeth for coming in to speak to us, and for us to take it in our hearts, and put her message to practice.

Long Night

“Are you ok?”

“Huh?”

“Are you ok? You kind of zoned out and became all quiet, all of a sudden.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m fine; I was admiring the night sky.”

It’s quiet; almost too quiet. It’s a long night, and has no intention of ending soon. I am in my street clothes, on a top of a large parking garage; there is absolutely no light pollution, the stars have come out to play. The moon, normally shy, has come out and joined the party. I look at her, and she looks as dazzling as the stars. I asked her for a dance, and the stars glowed brightly, almost like they were blushing, twinkling, giggling with delight.

It was a slow dance, really. I couldn’t imagine anything quite so interestingly tacky, and yet so sweet. I could stare into her eyes, and be so immersed that I could completely ignore the fact that we were on the top of a parking garage. It was mystifying, her smile, that is; a smile so radiant that I am just lost, overwhelmed by the moment.

This was truly a special someone; granted, someone who will always stay close to my heart. Unfortunately, this moment was not meant to last forever. A quick check of the cell phone revealed the dim lit screen saying that it was time to go. She smiles at me once more, and says, “Maybe some other time.”

As I walk her back to her place and wish her good night, the way back home seemed so much longer. I look up, and walk to the jingle of the stars.

It’s a long night, and the only thing that is heard is a soft sigh.

The Test

It's strange, sometimes when I've had a deep discussion about something that really got me thinking, my mind decides to make it into a realistic puzzle game.

I found myself not knowing where I am or how I got to where I am. I am in an odd room, resembling a classroom but almost completely cleaned out, with the door open, and the only window revealing light so bright it blinds if and when you try to look out.

On the blackboard, is a message, written out in all capitals: "CHOOSE WISELY."

I look around, and at the only chair and desk in the room, a piece of green paper with the word "Fortune" on it and a piece of red paper with the word "Power" on it lie seemingly harmless. Is this what the message was talking about? Which piece of paper do I choose? I sat on the chair, staring at the desk with these two colored pieces of paper; perhaps there was a message on the back of these sheets of paper. What would happen if I decided to look at both?

After a while, I finally flipped over the red piece of paper, partly out of boredom, and partly just because curiosity got the better of me. On the back was scribbled, "Don't look at the green piece of paper." To make matters worse, the door that was open suddenly closed and locked. Now what do I do? Flipping over the red piece of paper has only left me with even more questions than before, my curiosity unfulfilled, on top of now being trapped in the room. Do I flip over the green one now? Or do I listen to the warning on the red sheet of paper? I decide that I might as well flip over the green piece of paper too, since I had nothing better to do, the door was closed and locked, at any rate.

That was a mistake.

Flipping over the green piece of paper, I was shocked to read, "Don't look at the red piece of paper." The window slowly started to creaked shut. As the light in the room was being consumed by darkness, I realized it was too late; the wise choice that the message on the board was talking about, was to simply leave the room.

As my vision blacked out, I woke up.

**********************************

**********************************

Temptation is everywhere and unexpected, will you choose wisely?