One of the most common phrases here around this time of year is easily: "Merry Christmas!" But honestly, what is so merry about it? The gifts? The people? The parties? What I'm asking is, when everything is boiled down and distilled away, is the holiday spirit?
When I was little, the holiday spirit was waking up to find a new video game or toy underneath the Christmas tree, and not being able to put that down for the next week. Soon after that, it was finding the next cool electronic gizmo that had appeared on the market, and thanking my parents or whoever got me such a gift. Now that I'm nearing the end of my teenage years, I feel like I've lost that intangible factor that makes the holidays that much more enjoyable. We used to pull out the good old Christmas tree and spend an entire day with Mom, Dad, and Grace decorating said tree. We used to put lights on the outside of our house. We used to have the grandparents over for the holidays.
None of that is true for this Christmas. Dad and Grace are enjoying the warmer climate of Cancun, whereas Mom and I are not so fortunate due to expired passports. Although the aspect of not being able to go to Cancun supposedly would dampen one's spirits, I don't think that's the main reason of this reflection.
A close friend of mine told me, "The holidays allow people to be fat and lazy, outside of their normal schedules." I believe her, as it would make perfect sense, and many of my friends have now adapted their new sleep schedule, which designates the time between 5AM to 2PM as bedtime. I, however, have not done the same. I don't know whether it is that I am unable to do so, or merely that I don't want to adopt said regimen. To match what my friend said, I am somehow unable to be fat nor lazy. Now fat can be understood given my metabolic circumstances, but lazy? I find myself wide awake around 9AM, doing random menial tasks for Mom before just sitting in front of my piano, figuring out the next song on my list of songs to play by ear. Is this the holiday spirit? I don't think so.
Who can say, "No" to 1.5 hours of shovelling 6-8 inches of snow and ice...while it is pouring? It's that "ray of sunshine" that is perfect for starting off one's cheery day, right? Another one of my friends said that she HAS to get out of Michigan, hopefully sooner and not later. The weather is indeed a downer. Don't get me wrong, I love snow, but the snow is slushy, the roads are just sloppy and muddy, not to mention dangerous-on my way to a friend's house that is 10minutes away, I managed to see 3 people spin out, including one spin out into the middle of the intersection. Is that the holiday spirit? I don't believe so.
Then again, I've been mentally, physically, and emotional exhausted by a difficult 3rd semester of college. Granted, I'm not even halfway through my of college experience, and if I aspire to be a doctor, I'm far from done with my educational journey. It just seems that I live to work to live; a vicious cycle that will carry me throughout my adult life and until I eventually retire. The breaks we get for the holidays, I feel are just a method of giving me a small hiatus before I jump right into another semester of difficult classes, and the occasional sleepless night filled with homework, Ramen and Full Throttle and/or Powerade. Is this the holiday spirit? I don't know, really.
So after some thought, I'm completely baffled on why we celebrate Christmas, or any other holiday. I mean, I understand the whole biblical references of Christmas (in which most people don't celebrate Christmas for), and how other holidays have similar historical references and stories; the issue I'm concerned about, is have we lost the true meaning of these holidays? I, for one, am a little downed by this.
Do enlighten me.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Injuries, Ineffective, Inefficient.
For the people who haven't seen me for the past 2 weeks, you probably wouldn't know that first I rolled, sprained and bruised my left ankle, and as a follow-up, I broke my left ring finger. All during flag football. Damn, I'm cool. Basically, current conditions would put me at a near full ankle recovery, but, the broken finger? Yeah, that'll be a while. I'm in a finger cast and it's pretty handy, and keeps all pressure off that finger.
Let's see all the steps I took to get to where I am now:
I made a tackle on J-Chuk, and realize I jammed my finger. Of course, the adrenaline was pumping so it didn't hurt or feel that bad, I just know I "jammed" it. Then when I look at my finger, the tip (before your first knuckle) of my left ring finger was crooked. I mean like 45 degrees crooked. Now that's a injury.
Jeremy got me to call up EST (Emergency Services Team) with his phone, and they came to the field where we were playing in about 15 minutes. So EST asked me a whole bunch of useless questions that didn't actually address my problem: a broken finger. Instead, they asked me if I had headaches, if I was dizzy, if I was bleeding anywhere else, where clearly, I waved my broken finger in front of them. "It's their job, they're supposed to check everything, Steve." Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also called ineffective.
What amused me was that the police also came with EST, but he didnt' really help "assure the public" or "provide safety." Instead, he provided the light from his flashlight for everyone to properly look at my finger, and adds the extremely helpful comment of "That's cool. Did you make the tackle?" when I tell EST how I got my injury. Of course, EST doesn't do anything because "they don't want to splint my finger since it's bent and we don't want to move it. Take it to Barnes-Jewish." Jerry then drives me to the Barnes-Jewish Hospital ER where a guy standing at the registration desk, also asks what the problem was. I show him my finger, and he goes, "Cool." Deja vu, eh?
I get all settled in, and so when they do see me, the radiologist first takes some x-rays, and then tells me to wait for an attending doctor to see me. The attending looks at my finger, and says that it should just be a tendon mis-shift, where it should just heal on it's own with a splint. Wait, a splint? Isn't that what EST DIDN'T want to do? Whatever. So the attending puts me in a short finger splint that keeps my sore joint and finger stabilized. She goes to check the x-rays. 10 minutes later, the attending returns, and tells me that the radiologist thinks she found a fracture, so I could very well need HAND SURGERY...Baller. So the attending leaves again, and says that she'll send a hand specialist to check. 15 minutes later, the hand specialist comes and tells me that she's leaning towards a fracture, but they're not sure since it could fall either way...woohoo, I could be a specialist too if I were that indecisive. And then she leaves to go check on the x-rays one last time, and 15 more minutes later, the hand specialist returns, takes off the short finger splint, puts my finger in a longer finger splint, and she tells me that yes, it is a fracture, and that I'll need to go see a plastic surgeon...yay Nip-Tuck...I mean what?
I go to the department of plastic surgery at Barnes-Jewish (this is a few days later with the long finger splint) at the ungodly hour of 8AM, and I was received pretty quickly (since I'm the first appointment, duh). They sent me to take some more x-rays and back to see Dr. Sammer, the hand surgeon. Dr. Sammer is a pretty chillax guy, he knows what he's doing and told me everything I needed to know and more. He takes off the long finger splint, and gives me a much more fashionable, short finger splint that looks like a thimble gone very wrong..awesome. Basically, my oblique fracture could very well heal on it's own in a splint, but if the bone starts sliding more and more out of place, then I get the baller hand surgery. From what I'm looking at, my finger will stay just a little crooked, not very noticeable unless you know where to look. Oh, and to cap off the visit, Jerry and I pulled the ultimate hobo-move, where the parking for our visit was 3 dollars, but I had 2 dollars, and Jerry had 69 cents. No credit or debit allowed. Woohoo. We tell the parking cashier lady: "Sorry ma'am, but we don't have $3.00. We have $2.69." Man, she was probably dying inside, but she let us through. Great Success!
As a side note, when I took a peek at my own x-rays, there was NOTHING inconclusive about my x-rays. On the complete side x-ray of my ring finger, there was an obvious oblique (diagonal) fracture that was slightly displaced (the bone isn't lined up quite right). Hmm...the ER needed 10 people to tell me that my finger was broken...or not...or yes. Now that, is inefficient.
Let's see all the steps I took to get to where I am now:
I made a tackle on J-Chuk, and realize I jammed my finger. Of course, the adrenaline was pumping so it didn't hurt or feel that bad, I just know I "jammed" it. Then when I look at my finger, the tip (before your first knuckle) of my left ring finger was crooked. I mean like 45 degrees crooked. Now that's a injury.
Jeremy got me to call up EST (Emergency Services Team) with his phone, and they came to the field where we were playing in about 15 minutes. So EST asked me a whole bunch of useless questions that didn't actually address my problem: a broken finger. Instead, they asked me if I had headaches, if I was dizzy, if I was bleeding anywhere else, where clearly, I waved my broken finger in front of them. "It's their job, they're supposed to check everything, Steve." Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also called ineffective.
What amused me was that the police also came with EST, but he didnt' really help "assure the public" or "provide safety." Instead, he provided the light from his flashlight for everyone to properly look at my finger, and adds the extremely helpful comment of "That's cool. Did you make the tackle?" when I tell EST how I got my injury. Of course, EST doesn't do anything because "they don't want to splint my finger since it's bent and we don't want to move it. Take it to Barnes-Jewish." Jerry then drives me to the Barnes-Jewish Hospital ER where a guy standing at the registration desk, also asks what the problem was. I show him my finger, and he goes, "Cool." Deja vu, eh?
I get all settled in, and so when they do see me, the radiologist first takes some x-rays, and then tells me to wait for an attending doctor to see me. The attending looks at my finger, and says that it should just be a tendon mis-shift, where it should just heal on it's own with a splint. Wait, a splint? Isn't that what EST DIDN'T want to do? Whatever. So the attending puts me in a short finger splint that keeps my sore joint and finger stabilized. She goes to check the x-rays. 10 minutes later, the attending returns, and tells me that the radiologist thinks she found a fracture, so I could very well need HAND SURGERY...Baller. So the attending leaves again, and says that she'll send a hand specialist to check. 15 minutes later, the hand specialist comes and tells me that she's leaning towards a fracture, but they're not sure since it could fall either way...woohoo, I could be a specialist too if I were that indecisive. And then she leaves to go check on the x-rays one last time, and 15 more minutes later, the hand specialist returns, takes off the short finger splint, puts my finger in a longer finger splint, and she tells me that yes, it is a fracture, and that I'll need to go see a plastic surgeon...yay Nip-Tuck...I mean what?
I go to the department of plastic surgery at Barnes-Jewish (this is a few days later with the long finger splint) at the ungodly hour of 8AM, and I was received pretty quickly (since I'm the first appointment, duh). They sent me to take some more x-rays and back to see Dr. Sammer, the hand surgeon. Dr. Sammer is a pretty chillax guy, he knows what he's doing and told me everything I needed to know and more. He takes off the long finger splint, and gives me a much more fashionable, short finger splint that looks like a thimble gone very wrong..awesome. Basically, my oblique fracture could very well heal on it's own in a splint, but if the bone starts sliding more and more out of place, then I get the baller hand surgery. From what I'm looking at, my finger will stay just a little crooked, not very noticeable unless you know where to look. Oh, and to cap off the visit, Jerry and I pulled the ultimate hobo-move, where the parking for our visit was 3 dollars, but I had 2 dollars, and Jerry had 69 cents. No credit or debit allowed. Woohoo. We tell the parking cashier lady: "Sorry ma'am, but we don't have $3.00. We have $2.69." Man, she was probably dying inside, but she let us through. Great Success!
As a side note, when I took a peek at my own x-rays, there was NOTHING inconclusive about my x-rays. On the complete side x-ray of my ring finger, there was an obvious oblique (diagonal) fracture that was slightly displaced (the bone isn't lined up quite right). Hmm...the ER needed 10 people to tell me that my finger was broken...or not...or yes. Now that, is inefficient.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Summer thinking; define Sophomore.
While summer has slowly been ticking away for me, I've accomplished much, in and outside of the scientific lab. But now as the last week of summer is coming to an end, I've finally been able to take a breather and look back on how this summer went.
One, I've realized that the medical field is exactly where I fit in, where I do my best, and where I belong. Regardless of scientific research, or clinical practice, this is where I want to be. I want it, and I'm ready for the long haul.
Two, being able to catch up with all my old friends in Michigan has allowed me to realize, just how big one person's network can be, and just how small of a world this is. I've shared moments of joy, moments of sorrow, and moments that are just simply...unexplainable. Traverse City on the Fourth of July, watching those fireworks on the beach, reflecting into Lake Michigan...priceless. We'll need to take a road trip again sometime, for sure. To the guys, whether it's our talks about life, our seemingly endless number of games of basketball, or just hanging out, I wouldn't want it any other way. To the girls, you girls are crazy...the good kind. I'll miss the energy and excitement that you guys provide for any type of social gathering. To everyone, I can only hope you guys had as much fun as I did during this summer, it was indeed a blast.
Three, things sometimes don't work out the way you expect them to, but I've learned that fighting it head-on is not the only way to go. I've learned that most of the time, taking that step back, that deep breath, that first step towards calming down, and showing the initiative to talking things out gets the results you want, in a more effective, peaceful way. In the end, the problems solved will involve some compromise, but if you want it, you'll probably end up getting it.
I've grown over the summer. It's not the physically measurable pounds and inches, but rather the intuitive, the intangible, the abstract development of the mind. I've grown as a college undergraduate still yet to declare on a major. I've grown as a friend. Most importantly, I've grown as a person.
Now, moving on from the newbies on campus, the freshmen, I will be walking around campus as the next class of Sophomores. Now Sophomore most commonly means the "second year student in high school or college." However, upon further investigation, it also means "second effort, instance, or occurrence, etc." I'll definitely be that "second year student" at WashU, but this year also provides me many second chances that I will hopefully put to good use. Ironically, another obscure definition of sophomore is a three-year old horse...haven't found any connection that I could use to continue the comparison...oh well.
To be terse,
Sophomore year, I'm ready!
One, I've realized that the medical field is exactly where I fit in, where I do my best, and where I belong. Regardless of scientific research, or clinical practice, this is where I want to be. I want it, and I'm ready for the long haul.
Two, being able to catch up with all my old friends in Michigan has allowed me to realize, just how big one person's network can be, and just how small of a world this is. I've shared moments of joy, moments of sorrow, and moments that are just simply...unexplainable. Traverse City on the Fourth of July, watching those fireworks on the beach, reflecting into Lake Michigan...priceless. We'll need to take a road trip again sometime, for sure. To the guys, whether it's our talks about life, our seemingly endless number of games of basketball, or just hanging out, I wouldn't want it any other way. To the girls, you girls are crazy...the good kind. I'll miss the energy and excitement that you guys provide for any type of social gathering. To everyone, I can only hope you guys had as much fun as I did during this summer, it was indeed a blast.
Three, things sometimes don't work out the way you expect them to, but I've learned that fighting it head-on is not the only way to go. I've learned that most of the time, taking that step back, that deep breath, that first step towards calming down, and showing the initiative to talking things out gets the results you want, in a more effective, peaceful way. In the end, the problems solved will involve some compromise, but if you want it, you'll probably end up getting it.
I've grown over the summer. It's not the physically measurable pounds and inches, but rather the intuitive, the intangible, the abstract development of the mind. I've grown as a college undergraduate still yet to declare on a major. I've grown as a friend. Most importantly, I've grown as a person.
Now, moving on from the newbies on campus, the freshmen, I will be walking around campus as the next class of Sophomores. Now Sophomore most commonly means the "second year student in high school or college." However, upon further investigation, it also means "second effort, instance, or occurrence, etc." I'll definitely be that "second year student" at WashU, but this year also provides me many second chances that I will hopefully put to good use. Ironically, another obscure definition of sophomore is a three-year old horse...haven't found any connection that I could use to continue the comparison...oh well.
To be terse,
Sophomore year, I'm ready!
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The Dark Knight: Reflections on Human Nature
SPOILER ALERT: Parts of the movie will be used and discussed in my post, so if you haven't watched it, and don't want me to accidentally ruin the movie for you, go watch it, I highly recommend it. Oh and by the way: STOP HERE.
After watching the highly-anticipated The Dark Knight on the big screen, I realized that this movie was amazing not only the action level. As many people have seen or heard, the late Heath Ledger's performance of the Joker was simply ridiculous, well played, and certainly the "newer, better class of criminal" that has the Batman busy in Gotham. After all, he's a man of his word.
But not only was Ledger's acting of the Joker superb, merely the character brought up very interesting points about human society as we know it. The "social experiment" that the Joker did with the two ferries, one filled with convicts, the other with innocent men, women and children. As both boats are rigged with oil barrels and explosives, the Joker throws the people onboard an interesting, and possibly sick twist to it. In their own hands, they hold the detonator to trigger the other boat's demise. The Joker tells them that they have 15 minutes to decide whether or not they'll detonate the other boat, as if neither boat decides to do it, he promises to blow both boats up.
In this predicament, we see that initially, that the citizens were very set on blowing up the convicts' boat, as "they made a choice to break the law." After 10 minutes of an absurd "vote" onboard, we realize that the convicts had no intention of blowing up the other boat, and the citizens also didn't want to dirty their own hands by mercilessly condemning hundreds of people to death. As Batman had put it, "Gotham has citizens ready to see the light, that they are waiting for the good in people." Social experiments have always been interesting to me, and most of them involving money prizes and such, there is always one or two individuals that end up being too greedy to be a "team player." However, when lives are stake, people seem to concern their morals and ethics more carefully. This gives me quite a nice, positive outlook on humanity and the future.
The other major note on human nature I saw, was that about relationships between people. Batman, or Bruce Wayne, has always had a thing for his childhood friend, Rachel Dawes. Now, from before, we must realize that Rachel had told Bruce that "once Gotham no longer needs a Batman", they could be together. We see that she means it, but at the same time, is living her normal life, and thus another guy enters into her life, the charismatic District Attorney, Harvey Dent. Of course, she's always hesitant when Harvey asks her to marry him, but at the end, you see that even though "Patience is a Virtue," my addition to that line would be "...but Patience often fails the test of Time."
Of course, this film tells us that in reality, there is not always a happy ending, and that Good might not always be able to conquer Evil. As for Batman vs. Joker, my take on why Bruce could not kill the Joker, despite having around 10 different occasions to do so, is because he realizes that he needs the Batman, and that the only reason for Batman to continue to thrive in Gotham, is to track and hunt the Joker. As in their relationship, the "Agent of Chaos" is necessary for the "Vigilante of the Night" to continue in Gotham. Much more complex than your simple Good vs. Evil, hmm?
After watching the highly-anticipated The Dark Knight on the big screen, I realized that this movie was amazing not only the action level. As many people have seen or heard, the late Heath Ledger's performance of the Joker was simply ridiculous, well played, and certainly the "newer, better class of criminal" that has the Batman busy in Gotham. After all, he's a man of his word.
But not only was Ledger's acting of the Joker superb, merely the character brought up very interesting points about human society as we know it. The "social experiment" that the Joker did with the two ferries, one filled with convicts, the other with innocent men, women and children. As both boats are rigged with oil barrels and explosives, the Joker throws the people onboard an interesting, and possibly sick twist to it. In their own hands, they hold the detonator to trigger the other boat's demise. The Joker tells them that they have 15 minutes to decide whether or not they'll detonate the other boat, as if neither boat decides to do it, he promises to blow both boats up.
In this predicament, we see that initially, that the citizens were very set on blowing up the convicts' boat, as "they made a choice to break the law." After 10 minutes of an absurd "vote" onboard, we realize that the convicts had no intention of blowing up the other boat, and the citizens also didn't want to dirty their own hands by mercilessly condemning hundreds of people to death. As Batman had put it, "Gotham has citizens ready to see the light, that they are waiting for the good in people." Social experiments have always been interesting to me, and most of them involving money prizes and such, there is always one or two individuals that end up being too greedy to be a "team player." However, when lives are stake, people seem to concern their morals and ethics more carefully. This gives me quite a nice, positive outlook on humanity and the future.
The other major note on human nature I saw, was that about relationships between people. Batman, or Bruce Wayne, has always had a thing for his childhood friend, Rachel Dawes. Now, from before, we must realize that Rachel had told Bruce that "once Gotham no longer needs a Batman", they could be together. We see that she means it, but at the same time, is living her normal life, and thus another guy enters into her life, the charismatic District Attorney, Harvey Dent. Of course, she's always hesitant when Harvey asks her to marry him, but at the end, you see that even though "Patience is a Virtue," my addition to that line would be "...but Patience often fails the test of Time."
Of course, this film tells us that in reality, there is not always a happy ending, and that Good might not always be able to conquer Evil. As for Batman vs. Joker, my take on why Bruce could not kill the Joker, despite having around 10 different occasions to do so, is because he realizes that he needs the Batman, and that the only reason for Batman to continue to thrive in Gotham, is to track and hunt the Joker. As in their relationship, the "Agent of Chaos" is necessary for the "Vigilante of the Night" to continue in Gotham. Much more complex than your simple Good vs. Evil, hmm?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Music these days.
Listening to some of the most recent music of these days, I feel that we're missing out on a lot of the suave, cool, and more romantic side of music from the past.
Take for instance, Andy Williams, writing Love Story (Where Do I Begin) in 1969. The song is so passionate, a soliloquy of a guy desperately describing his love of the woman he loves; at the end, the guy says how the woman he loves will always be there for him, and there's a happy feeling for him, seeing that he has someone in what could be described as a "fairy-tale" relationship.
Now fast forward to modern music. What do we see? The closest songs I can think of that describe something like it, would be songs like Beyonce's "Irreplaceable", or Timbaland ft. One Republic's "Apologize." However, these would be much more on the depressing side; both sides talk about how the relationship breaks up, there's no chance for making-up, there's cheating within relationships, and the perfect line to explain all this, "It's too late to apologize."
This made me think. Why has the popular music of our time changed from optimistic relationships and fairy-tale love of the '60s-'70s to the breaking-up, pessimistic fighting of our modern R&B, Pop, and Rap music?
I miss the old days. Not only is the music more melodic and passionate, but I can't help to feel that modern music is based purely around how loud your bass can go and throw in some drum beats.
I like drums, but music shouldn't be just that.
Take for instance, Andy Williams, writing Love Story (Where Do I Begin) in 1969. The song is so passionate, a soliloquy of a guy desperately describing his love of the woman he loves; at the end, the guy says how the woman he loves will always be there for him, and there's a happy feeling for him, seeing that he has someone in what could be described as a "fairy-tale" relationship.
Now fast forward to modern music. What do we see? The closest songs I can think of that describe something like it, would be songs like Beyonce's "Irreplaceable", or Timbaland ft. One Republic's "Apologize." However, these would be much more on the depressing side; both sides talk about how the relationship breaks up, there's no chance for making-up, there's cheating within relationships, and the perfect line to explain all this, "It's too late to apologize."
This made me think. Why has the popular music of our time changed from optimistic relationships and fairy-tale love of the '60s-'70s to the breaking-up, pessimistic fighting of our modern R&B, Pop, and Rap music?
I miss the old days. Not only is the music more melodic and passionate, but I can't help to feel that modern music is based purely around how loud your bass can go and throw in some drum beats.
I like drums, but music shouldn't be just that.
Sunday, July 6, 2008
I have a dream, that one day...
...my children or I, will be able to see a world rid of cancer, and all people can live in harmony, free of disease, dissent, and disaster.
People who know me very well, would know that being part of the medical field was a dream I had since the beginning of middle school. People would also know that I'm amazingly stubborn when it comes to things I want to achieve-at any cost, any means necessary.
However, lately, I've been having, well, you can call them "second doubts;" that term doesn't quite do it justice, since I'm probably still going towards the field anyway.
I guess it was more of learning much more of the actualities and technicalities of the field, and not just some dream vision of being as badass as House; as hilarious as J.D/Turk; or even as scandalous as McNamara/Troy.
It all started with Medicine and Society class, I suppose. Fascinating course, great teachers, amazing people, intense discussion/debate. I don't regret taking the course at all, but it truly opened my eyes to many dilemmas that are faced by doctors, and how real world doctors face/deal with those problems. I suppose the most I got out of that class, is that altruism is not a natural human trait, and like everyone else, many doctors do the job merely for the money, and not for the advancement of science, nor for the betterment of human society.
To add to that, I suppose my internships at the University of Michigan Medical Scientific Research Building were pretty enlightening as well. Working in a protein crystallography lab, I learned that research is interesting, but also not for me as a potential research choice. I suppose it's just that I don't have the necessary drive to plow through the necessary grant-work, and now that the NIH has less money than ever, research professors are really placed in a dog-eat-dog situation.
Within this lab that I'm interning in, there are 3 other undergraduate students also "learning." All three of them are Juniors becoming Seniors, some have taken the MCAT, others prepping for graduate school, etc...at any rate, farther along the path that I'm looking at. For the guy who actually took the MCAT and is awaiting his score, I was so surprised at his attitude towards science: complete apathy. The guy has learned all the concepts, knows all the theory behind it, but simply cannot practice/apply it for the life of him! It makes me wonder on how he would ever succeed as a practicing doctor, if he can't do something as simple as mixing solutions in the right amount (written out for him) into one little vial for a PCR (for those who don't know, it's Polymerase Chain Reaction).
The experiences I've had since my "don't know what I'm getting into but it sounds good so I'll do it" ambition in the 6th grade, I've learned much more about the field that I have the most hope, promise and talent in, and because of that, I'll probably stick to this field. However, it's now let me realize that doctors are not as pristine as I used to think, and that if I am to truly achieve something in this field, I'll not only need to fight and work hard, but fight with everything I got, and work with any ethic I can muster.
Sure, if I end up getting a bum leg, I'd probably be as bitter as House, too. But we'd need to keep in mind that not many people can pull that off, and still manage to keep his job, and priority within a clinic. After all, dramas can't be real; that's why they're dramas.
People who know me very well, would know that being part of the medical field was a dream I had since the beginning of middle school. People would also know that I'm amazingly stubborn when it comes to things I want to achieve-at any cost, any means necessary.
However, lately, I've been having, well, you can call them "second doubts;" that term doesn't quite do it justice, since I'm probably still going towards the field anyway.
I guess it was more of learning much more of the actualities and technicalities of the field, and not just some dream vision of being as badass as House; as hilarious as J.D/Turk; or even as scandalous as McNamara/Troy.
It all started with Medicine and Society class, I suppose. Fascinating course, great teachers, amazing people, intense discussion/debate. I don't regret taking the course at all, but it truly opened my eyes to many dilemmas that are faced by doctors, and how real world doctors face/deal with those problems. I suppose the most I got out of that class, is that altruism is not a natural human trait, and like everyone else, many doctors do the job merely for the money, and not for the advancement of science, nor for the betterment of human society.
To add to that, I suppose my internships at the University of Michigan Medical Scientific Research Building were pretty enlightening as well. Working in a protein crystallography lab, I learned that research is interesting, but also not for me as a potential research choice. I suppose it's just that I don't have the necessary drive to plow through the necessary grant-work, and now that the NIH has less money than ever, research professors are really placed in a dog-eat-dog situation.
Within this lab that I'm interning in, there are 3 other undergraduate students also "learning." All three of them are Juniors becoming Seniors, some have taken the MCAT, others prepping for graduate school, etc...at any rate, farther along the path that I'm looking at. For the guy who actually took the MCAT and is awaiting his score, I was so surprised at his attitude towards science: complete apathy. The guy has learned all the concepts, knows all the theory behind it, but simply cannot practice/apply it for the life of him! It makes me wonder on how he would ever succeed as a practicing doctor, if he can't do something as simple as mixing solutions in the right amount (written out for him) into one little vial for a PCR (for those who don't know, it's Polymerase Chain Reaction).
The experiences I've had since my "don't know what I'm getting into but it sounds good so I'll do it" ambition in the 6th grade, I've learned much more about the field that I have the most hope, promise and talent in, and because of that, I'll probably stick to this field. However, it's now let me realize that doctors are not as pristine as I used to think, and that if I am to truly achieve something in this field, I'll not only need to fight and work hard, but fight with everything I got, and work with any ethic I can muster.
Sure, if I end up getting a bum leg, I'd probably be as bitter as House, too. But we'd need to keep in mind that not many people can pull that off, and still manage to keep his job, and priority within a clinic. After all, dramas can't be real; that's why they're dramas.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Got Music? Might be better than Milk.
Music has been found as an Escape Route, a Therapy.
Ever listen to something, and realize that it reminds you of some past experience?
You're not alone. There's been studies that show how music therapy works wonders for past psychological patients that just did not quite recover.
But you don't need to be in an asylum to realize how powerful music is: For music, helps the heart, motivates the mind, and soothes the soul.
It helps the heart: I know for one that music is my getaway on when I feel down. Not only does the iPod or iTunes help the mood in playing emotional or passionate music when needed, but even just sitting in front of a piano, in a darkened room; it's surprisingly calming, especially when you play whatever your heart desires.
It motivates the mind: Stress is one of those big, rising issues when it comes with people of the modern lifestyle. It seems like school years for college kids nowadays are just filled with preparation of this class, followed by work for this class, an essay or two here, a project there, and BOOM, you get finals. Not only does this stress build up and weaken your immune system-making you more susceptible to nasty sicknesses, it also takes a toll on your mind. Eventually, you just don't think as well, and you're no longer "you." A simple break from the busy worker bee mentality from work or school works wonders. Regardless if you're going to pull out your violin and jam with your friends, or just listen to Coldplay. Your mind will thank you for it.
And finally, it soothes the soul. I'm not talking about just listening to the classics. Even if you have the urge to listen to Soulja Boy, go for it; whatever floats your boat. As the soul is the most abstract of the three things I've mentioned, the benefits is probably the most difficult to comprehend. People have told me how relaxing it is to compose, or simply spend 15-30 minutes improvising on one basic theme. The end result is certainly surprising. One classmate of mine composed something in his own free time, later, the school symphony orchestra performed it in the Student Concerto Concert; it was the hit of the concert. Like my conductor once said, "The only thing certain in music, is nothing is for certain."
Number 1 Rule of music: Don't judge, just listen.
Ever listen to something, and realize that it reminds you of some past experience?
You're not alone. There's been studies that show how music therapy works wonders for past psychological patients that just did not quite recover.
But you don't need to be in an asylum to realize how powerful music is: For music, helps the heart, motivates the mind, and soothes the soul.
It helps the heart: I know for one that music is my getaway on when I feel down. Not only does the iPod or iTunes help the mood in playing emotional or passionate music when needed, but even just sitting in front of a piano, in a darkened room; it's surprisingly calming, especially when you play whatever your heart desires.
It motivates the mind: Stress is one of those big, rising issues when it comes with people of the modern lifestyle. It seems like school years for college kids nowadays are just filled with preparation of this class, followed by work for this class, an essay or two here, a project there, and BOOM, you get finals. Not only does this stress build up and weaken your immune system-making you more susceptible to nasty sicknesses, it also takes a toll on your mind. Eventually, you just don't think as well, and you're no longer "you." A simple break from the busy worker bee mentality from work or school works wonders. Regardless if you're going to pull out your violin and jam with your friends, or just listen to Coldplay. Your mind will thank you for it.
And finally, it soothes the soul. I'm not talking about just listening to the classics. Even if you have the urge to listen to Soulja Boy, go for it; whatever floats your boat. As the soul is the most abstract of the three things I've mentioned, the benefits is probably the most difficult to comprehend. People have told me how relaxing it is to compose, or simply spend 15-30 minutes improvising on one basic theme. The end result is certainly surprising. One classmate of mine composed something in his own free time, later, the school symphony orchestra performed it in the Student Concerto Concert; it was the hit of the concert. Like my conductor once said, "The only thing certain in music, is nothing is for certain."
Number 1 Rule of music: Don't judge, just listen.
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