Pre-Break Reflection (PBR)

Hey all, it has certainly been a while since I've written here, and I have taken the time to really use my lunch break and by definition study break to give a life update or quasi-reflection post.

Besides the shared acronym between my post and Pabst Blue Ribbon, I have managed to separate myself from many other graduate students (medical and otherwise), in the fact that I do not rely on alcohol for a good time.  A seemingly simple and sensible sentiment, but an important one to make nonetheless.  Have I gone dry?  By no means.  But there is a difference between alcohol consumption and alcohol reliance.  That being said, let's reflect:

This first semester of medical school has really put me through many trials.  Maybe not in the way that I originally envisioned.  I came into medical school expecting that it would be very similar to my college experience, with the lone exception of needing to work myself much harder to keep up with the increased information and decreased time to learn it.  However, I have soon found that I not only spend less time on studying, I am enjoying the more fundamental things in life that would contribute to happiness.  I have learned many new things, not only medicine related, but rather more about myself.

One would always want to believe that you know yourself better than anyone else.  Aside from God (which is an unfair example, because he is all-knowing and all-seeing), though the statement may be true to a certain extent, it doesn't necessarily mean you know yourself well.  There are certain aspects of my person that I will refuse to compromise, certain activities that I must have as part of my daily, weekly, monthly, yearly routine.  I will always be a sports fan.  I will always be athletically active.  I will always strive to be more Christ-centered, and I will always strive to take medicine to the next level.

I have also learned things that I can let go, or I thought were important, but in the grand scheme of things slowly phased out of my concerns and priorities.  I originally believed that I was a very undiverse individual, and that I had to have friends only in the Asian crowd.  Not only has medical school tested those boundaries, they have challenged me to really reach out and force me to not be in my comfort zone.  And to be perfectly, almost brutally honest, I am glad I was tested in that way.  I can safely say that my best friends here are definitely not Asian, nor do I see that changing any time in the future.

Finally, I realized to appreciate the things that really mean something to me.  The support I get from family, friends, loved ones, and all of those meaningful relationships that I spent so long over the course of my stay in St. Louis to build.  I got to spend time talking to good friends on the phone, and it hit me that it really doesn't matter where your friends go and end up, true friends will always remain so, and those relationships are something to always hold onto dearly.  The ability of being able to pick up the phone, call up a guy that I hadn't talked to or been in close proximity to for an extended period of time, and talk for hours about all the things that have happened in each other's lives is simply put, amazing.  The conversation seemed so natural it was like it had never stopped in the first place.  I find myself "catching up" with people much more so during this educational transition than I did when I went from high school to college.  It made me think of the relationships that I built while in high school, and the yearning for a reunion and "catching up" with those people too.  Only time (and a good, long break) will remediate this.

With all that said and done, I want to wish everyone a great holiday break:  Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Cheers!

The Move In

Hello everyone.  This is my first blog post from the new desk that I built myself (or rather, assembled).  The internet is a little spotty here and there, but at least the living arrangement seems to have worked out.

I have a nice little studio apartment on the first floor, and to be honest, the space is more than enough for me.  Even at WashU, I had one of the smaller rooms in the suite, and even when I had a huge double sharing with Alan, I didn't even know what to do with all the space.

Furnishings were nothing fancy but comprehensive.  I got a desk, a bookshelf, a dresser, a dinner table with 4 chairs, a coffee table, a love seat couch, and of course the bed.  This is the same bed that I used way back in middle school, so I guess it's pretty nostalgic now that I'm back on this very bed...8 years later.

The place, after unpacking about 60% of my stuff, is definitely "very me."  Everything other than the wooden dinner table/chairs and the love seat (that I swiped from my parents) are black, white or green (no more mystery to my favorite colors).  If you had seen my room back at WashU, you would instantly recognize 90% of the decorations and stuff, as I just like how my room was decorated from before, and no reason to fix what isn't broken.

One difference, is I have my own TV now.  Nothing compared to the 37 inch VYNEX monster that everyone was familiar with from my suite, but it will serve my purposes (which is sports, sports, some HIMYM, and more sports) very well.  As per usual, my desk is littered with technology, so I might just resort to moving my book studies to the dinner table.

If there was any real complaints about the place right now, it would be that my phone doesn't get reliable service in the back crannies of my room, but that's understandable since the 1st floor of this apartment is practically half underground.  Of course, my reception is best closest to the window and door.

Other than that, just wanted to throw an update out there on where I'm now living and some initial thoughts that popped into my head in the middle of my unpacking frenzy.  I'd just like to say, it's nothing compared to the awesome setup I had back with my boys in Mudd, then SoFoHo (x2).  But then again, it's not just the place you live in, it's more important about the PEOPLE you live with.

Cheers.

David Choi - By My Side

Sorry for the delay in posting recordings, I got sidetracked by errands and logistics of my move-in, which is soon!

At any rate, I recently listened to David Choi's new music video and song, as mentioned in the title.  A catchy little love song, you probably know David from being affiliated with Wong Fu Productions, so here's a shout out to them.

I've taken the liberty of covering David's song, but credit goes to him for actually writing and producing the song himself!

Without further ado: David Choi - By My Side

(Oh, and a note for those with headphones: the volume for this song is a little louder than the previously recorded ones, messing around with microphone placement.)

Keyboarding.

I remember I did this last year, and it was pretty popular, so I'll bring it back.

Summer for me is slowly but surely passing by, and I want to do something fun and meaningful.  Thus, I will combine the two keyboards that I use in my pasttimes: the computer and the piano.

I want to invite you guys to name songs that you want to hear me play, and given a little luck, a bit of effort, and a lot listening to songs on repeat, I'll hopefully be able to play them, and record them while I still have my good recording mic and piano at home.

Here's what I worked on already:
Katy Perry - Firework (7/13/11)
Nightwish - Amaranth (7/14/11)
Gary Jules - Mad World (7/15/11)
Yiruma - River Flows in You (7/15/11)

Cheers everyone!

Life is like a box of chocolates...

but I find that it's more like a giant puzzle.

I see all of us like a puzzle piece, wanting to fit in where we can, trying to reach an understanding of a bigger picture, a goal that almighty Creator has already planned out for each and every one of us in perfect harmony.  It's hard to see clearly, as we're merely one piece in a million, but through the journey we each take, we try to find that one other piece in a million, that just strikes out to you.

You realize that one piece is the one you want to be with, the one that you are meant to be together with, through thick and thin.  No matter how good, how bad it gets, you know you can count on the other piece to lift you up when you're down, celebrate with you when you're on high.

Every place that you're lacking, the other piece brings out of you, that piece seems to benefit from everything you have to offer.  A teamwork that is infallible, a friendship unparalleled.  Someone who motivates you when you feel down, knowing that you would easily do the same to cheer and comfort them.

I know where my other piece is, and I will continue to cherish her, as she may very well be aware.  Have you found yours?

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling...

No, I'm not here to talk about medical schools and their rolling admissions process.  Rather, I'm going to be talking about my experiences and what I've learned from it.

Since getting accepted to Michigan, I wanted to figure out my living situation in Ann Arbor, but a point stood in the way.  Of course, Pham was the number one pick in the roommate draft (sorry, sports references are how I roll), and needless to say, it would have been legendary.  I had things mostly figured out, but nothing could be finalized; you can't go ahead and get a 2 bedroom apartment when you don't have both people finalized.

So here we go, impulsively speaking, Pham decided to choose Michigan out of the schools that he got accepted to, and of course, that's excellent news in and of itself, besides the fact that I now seemingly had my roommate for at least the upcoming M1 year...but...before we speak too fast, there's still a waitlist.

So perhaps I was forcibly ignoring the possibility that Pham will want to go to any other school than Michigan (in hindsight, it was kind of foolish of me).  So when Pham notified me that he was taking his talents to Manhattan to join Cornell Medical, I couldn't help but feel a little like the Cavaliers (NOTE: I am not by anyway equating Pham with LeBron...that is too unspeakable).

However, unlike Daniel Gilbert, and post slanderous nonsense on the internet and throughout the national media, God calls us to understand and forgive.  I learned that things always happen according to God's plan, and that meant placing me into an environment where I don't have the comfort of falling back to old friends, and pushing forth not only as a missionary, but also to expand my network and establish new contacts.

Score:    Steve -- 0 : Elusive Roommate -- 1

Fast forward a couple weeks.  Now I'm in the hunt for a new roommate, and by new, I mean brand new.  All of the people I've known from high school who are part of my Medical School class are girls, and so therefore, not on my list.  I originally planned to live in the fraternity Phi Rho, but apparently, missed the housing lottery because I was on the Wisconsin Dells trip.  How...inconvenient.

Needless to say, I went apartment hunting elsewhere in the area, and with a stroke of luck, managed to find a guy who (no homo) I really hit it off with.  We organized a couple trips to go and settle a living situation in a nice apartment.  However, right before we finished paying the deposit to hold the apartment, Phi Rho notified my roommate that he got off the housing waitlist, and he was seriously considering going for that.  He gave me a call and told me the, I guess, "great news."  In my mind, I only saw the flashing lights of the scoreboard:

Score:  Steve -- 0 : Elusive Roommate -- 2

But honestly, I was happy for the guy.  Seriously, it's like impossible to get to live in the medical fraternity, and so getting off the waitlist is  like winning the lottery, literally and figuratively.  In my heart, I felt a little helpless in the whole process; but I just realized that this was no curse.  I shouldn't be upset with what has happened; rather, I had to recall what I had learned the first time around.  I'll just have to keep rolling with the punches.  God will help settle everything in this turbulent time.

In summary, God challenges us to forgive, for no matter how grievous the act was against us, it pales in comparison to what our sins have done against the Lord Himself.  As Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

Loneliness

A feeling that I am not that unfamiliar with.  Some say it's a sign of weakness, a sign that you've been broken.  Others claim it's a manifestation of psychotic unbalance.  I've also heard that it's just how one feels, when everything in the world seems to be crashing down on you.  Hard.

No, I'm not equating loneliness to depression.  I feel that when you have depression, nothing ever excites you, nothing really gets you going.  You're simply...not happy.  Loneliness is a bit more of a complex beast, in my own honest opinion.  To be fair, I don't think I can ever say I've been truly "clinically" depressed, but loneliness seems to be a reappearing "friend."  Perhaps thats why I regard loneliness more complex than depression.  Who knows?

At any rate, I write this not because I want to turn my ruminations blog into an emotional livejournal redux of some high school girl, rather, I write to reflect on the power it has over me, on my experiences, and my constant struggle in trying to overcome it.  The funny thing is, I'm not trying to overcome it with my own strength.  I'm trying to overcome it with God's, but it's been a constant battle, and I guess I'm learning about myself as I'm fighting.

God has given us the ultimate promise in Hebrews 13:5: that I, the Lord God Almighty, will never leave nor forsake us.  As encouraged and uplifted I feel every time I come upon this verse, I struggle as many Christians do, to apply this to myself.  I am all too good at giving the comfort to others, to give them the emotional, spiritual, mental uplifting they need to at least get over the hump that day.  I find it infinitely harder to get comforted when I feel lonely.  It's not that I don't know this verse; it's not that I don't know Our Father's promise to us.  From what I see, I am perhaps being unreasonable with myself, setting my own standards of comfort too high, and therefore being unfair to everyone who is trying for my sake.

There is still much for me to learn about the issue of loneliness.  Perhaps it's a partial dab into the realm of depression, for when we don't have God, what do we have?  If we can't say that we don't even have someone of this world to try and "pull us through the next day", and we're unable to see God's promise fulfilled in our lives, then we are truly lonely.

In that regard, I guess I am lucky and therefore ungrateful.  I am lucky to have friends that will look after me, an amazing, special  person who will always try to comfort me even when others have given up, and of course, God is always looking after this foolish child of His, pursuing me so that I may be fully comforted and healed.  In this sense, I must apologize to those who have cared.  I was blind, but now, I can only say I am starting to see.  I can only pray that God will continue to work in me, for the day that these feelings, that loneliness, will leave me alone...forever.

Sleepless in...Superior Township?

Crunch crunch.  The sound of corn flakes seemingly echoes in the spacious kitchen-living room.  A boy, unsure of what he is to do at...2:42am.  Why doesn't he sleep, you ask?  Oh, legend has it that he doesn't need sleep.  Some people say that he draws energy from people.  Rumor has it that he's just...different.  Regardless of the reason, here he is, typing away at a familiar bright screen, staring out through the windows facing the kitchen table.

It's going to be a long night, he thinks to himself.  The dark clouds appear almost like charred marshmellows against a black cardstock canvas.  Everything seems so...stagnant.  The real reason of why he can't sleep, is much deeper than even the most ridiculous rumors, and yet...it's normal.

He's having recurrent nightmares, you see.  If I don't fall asleep, then I can't have the nightmares...simple enough.  Ha.  Simple enough.  The boy's eyes slowly defy his wishes and start sliding down, just as the show curtains are about to rise.

Our boy finds himself on a boat, tossed and turned by stormy seas.  He looks down, he's already geared up in a full rainsuit, hands on the rope, trying to hold the sails steady.  The ocean's sure feisty today...I wonder what's bothering her?  No answer, merely a lash out from the ocean, resulting in a giant wave.  Is this how it's going to end?  Come at me, ocean, I'll be yours, dead or alive!  Almost seeming like it understood the boy's commitment, the ocean's waves calmed down merely a tad.  As the boy breaths a sigh of relief, his hand slips from the ropes of the sails, and his boat blows out of control.  As the boy fumbles to hang on, the rain is blinding and crippling.  A sudden swell from the starboard side knocks the boy off his boat and into the ocean.  As the boy is sinking into the ocean and all starts fading to black, an image of his love turning and walking away haunts him still.  Noooo...come back!!!

The boy wakes up, heart pounding, eyes alert.  It's going to be a long night.

Her

All it takes is her handwriting,
and it makes me giddy.

All it takes is her smile,
and it gives me goosebumps.

All it takes is her kiss,
and it makes my legs weak.

All it takes is her happiness,
and my heart swells with glee.

All it takes is
Her.

Paging Doctors Pham and Sun

Hello all,

For those who have been following my blog faithfully, I give many thanks.  You guys motivate me and encourage me to continue writing for the sake of writing, than just to appease the academic needs of courses.  If you haven't seen Pham's blog yet, it is thephamtommenace.wordpress.com.  Hopefully you guys will give him the same support that you showed me, and support a young and new blogger.

With the two of us going off to medical school this coming fall, we decided to collaborate on a blogging project.  This project will encompass the two of our experiences in different medical schools, and an account of how faith has played into our application processes.  Hopefully, this will help guide the rising Christian (and non-Christian) Pre-Meds get a sense of this mysterious, tedious, and daunting application process.

We will each be bringing in our own experiences, as well as our own writing styles, culminated into a reading that will be not only informative but also enjoyable.  Cheers!

You can find the blog at: phamsunanddelilah.wordpress.com

Post-Graduation...Post

Graduation was precisely how I envisioned it.  When I expect nice weather, it rains; therefore, when I brought a poncho to commencement so as to prepare for the rain, it is 80 degrees with bright sun the entire commencement ceremony.  As I sat next to close friends, fellow seniors and lifelong companions, I watch as people left and right take off their thick, stifling, hot robes in order to get even the slightest bit of cool breeze in the air.  So much for formality and ceremony.  But, at the end of the day, all that is just pomp and circumstance.

Pardon the pun.

One of the purest and most touching moments for me during the graduation, was the talk of Elie Wiesel.  Aside from being amazed at his number of honorary degrees (apparently over 100), one line stood out to me.  "We should celebrate, not denigrate our fellow man."  Is this not what Jesus called us to do in the first place?  We're called, by Jesus, to "Love thy neighbors as thy love thyself."  And believe me, we love ourselves, alright.  I guess what this showed me, is that under the tightest of scrutiny, and philosophy or ethics in the raw, humanity is yearning for an elusive concept trifecta: conciliation, collaboration, and celebration.  It has only reinforced my drive to follow in Jesus' footsteps, and do my best to spread the ministry that has changed my life for the better.

I don't view graduation as a door closing on a era of my life that has now past, but rather, a series of multiple doors that have now opened.  I find myself at an important stage of my life, not because my future career has been determined, but rather, I have realized a little more of how God plans to use me to spread His Word, and be a sign for His Kingdom.

It is an exciting time for us, seniors, now alumni.  We will be travelling into the "real world", with a very real opportunity to spread the effect we've had from God bringing us all to WashU when we were but wee high school seniors.  Let us conciliate with those who may have wronged us in the past, collaborate with those who have gone through the last four years with us, and celebrate the new opportunities that now stand in front of us.

-----

Psalm 119:105
[Father God], Your Word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

The Big Triple Digits

Hello all!  It's been a blessing, really, blogging and sharing the crazy things that are floating inside my head.  Some of you have been following me since I first started, others, joining as my blogging has progressed and grown with me.  There have been ups and downs, periods where I would blog pretty much every day, and periods of where months would go by, and I wouldn't even know what to write.

I feel obliged to give a longer, more thought out post, when it comes to my 100th post, so it was fitting that it came during a time when my other obligations have been taken care of already.  So enjoy, this one took quite a bit of time of revising and revisiting, so hopefully it turned out okay.  Cheers.

Angels and Demons

It’s sometimes lonely thinking about what I am, or rather, what I’ve become.  Perhaps I’ve been like this for a while.  It was a weird realization of who I am, but when I got a chance to actually look at a true mirror, I saw what I most feared.  My name?  Stromnikos.  They say my name came from the word for electricity, for the violent nature of my temper, the power of my anger and wrath.  But isn’t that how they name all demons?  The very nature that dictates why people who wrong me, well, people tend to avoid that.  But I digress.

It’s not hard to see why people find it difficult to get close to me; fear of being shocked and hurt would deter even the bravest and most stubborn of souls.  But, I find comfort in the few people that I value, for them, it seems like the thunderclouds only make life that much more exciting…like some sick version of Stormchasers.  At any rate, my life is at a more or less standstill.  I hang out with the people who enjoy my company, I don’t go out of my way to mess with people, and we’re all good.  Living the demon life.  Until, that is, I met her.

It’s been said hundreds and thousands of times that Love makes people do stupid things.  But that’s “people”.  Not demons.  Others say that Love is, in actuality, a demon that corrupts and overwhelms a person’s otherwise rational judgment.  That couldn’t be true, since demons don’t mess with other demons; whose side is Love on anyway?  She’s beautiful, I tell myself.  The way she talks makes even this icy heart of mine melt just a little.  The way she smiles warms up everyone else in the room.  The way she cares, well, almost raises a sense of guilt when I turn around and mess with a helpless soul.  But only people do stupid things, right?

One day I found myself talking to this angel.  She smiles sweetly at me, staring straight to my core, through the spiky exterior, through the intimidating glares, and through the defensive thunderclouds that used to be so reliable.  My name’s Castella, what’s yours?  As if the Earth stood still and Father Time decided to take a lunch break, I found myself, surprisingly, at a loss for words. 

I prided myself in demonic wit, in biting satire (literally), and in silly parody humor that would probably offend anyone who wasn’t in on the actual joke.  So why can’t I seem to talk back?  Stro…m…niiikosss.  It literally took forever to get those words out of my mouth.

Stromneeekos?  Cute! Maybe we can spend more time together later?  Bye!  And just like that, she blew open my world.

As the time went on, we spent more time together, my demonic friends gave me grief that I was totally losing my reputation, that I wasn’t worthy of my name anymore…but strangely, I didn’t care.  If Castella thought I was fine the way I was, then I was fine the way I was.  I found myself caring.  I found myself being nice, I found myself restraining every urge to using those thunderclouds.  It was as if…dare I say, trying to impress this angel?  What have I become?

Maybe it wasn’t meant to be.  I mean, angels and demons are about as different as black and white.  There couldn’t have been a closer match of polar opposites.  But somewhere deep inside me, I don’t feel like a demon, but rather…a person.

Is it worth pursuing?  Humanity, that is.  I feel like a frog on the bottom off a well, looking upward at the possibilities above, unable to reach it on my own power, unwilling to leave the comforts of the depths.  It’s been an incredible journey…and now that I’ve gotten a taste, I can never truly go back.

Stargazing...in my room.

A little known fact is that I really enjoy stargazing, especially in nice warm nighttime weather.  There is nothing more comforting, than sitting outside or lying on a hammock, staring at the stars, taking in the often-seen-rarely-appreciated scenery.

It's hard enough to find time outside of the hectic life of a college student to slow everything down, and just breathe in the night air.  On top of that, living in Saint Louis, it's tough with all the light pollution here and there.  It's hard to find a spot that is truly dark enough that you can just be one with the darkness so that the stars can shine through.

However, I received a gift from my darling that couldn't have been more appropriate for me.  It was a lighted globe with pokable holes that were aligned in the shape of the constellations.  At first, I didn't really have high expectations, since it didn't look that impressive, and the idea seemed too simplistic to work.  Of course, I appreciated the thought and not really the actual tangible thing.

After the two of us finish assembling the globe (it was actually reasonably challenging), we turned off all the lights and closed the blinds.  When we put in the batteries and turned on the light inside the globe, my mind was, simply put, blown.  My room's ceiling was turned into the night sky that I only knew so well.  Placing the globe propped up in the center of my desk, it was relaxing just staring at the constellations suddenly appear on an otherwise bland ceiling.

It's amazing.  The globe has re-ignited my desire to go out and re-establish that old rendezvous that I had with the stars at night.  It'll be good to see them all again.  It's like seeing old friends I haven't seen or talked to in a long time.

DST

Since this blog is named for this, I figured writing a post for today was near-obligatory.

Daylight Savings Time this time around (heh, interesting word choice) wasn't all too bad.  In fact, it just naturally happened for me.  Somewhere in the middle of the night, an hour is lost, only to be found again in October.  As I got  up late (or early, depending on persepctive) to make sure the clocks were changed right, I hardly noticed any real changes in the night.

It seems funny that we'd practice such a thing, since time is usually viewed as continuous and ever flowing, and yet we make two disjointed hiccups, in efforts to save daylight.  Funny, we didn't save daylight, certainly if the clocks are changing at 2 in the morning (at any local time).

But this phenomenon isn't without repercussions.  It is one less hour of sleep (actually, if you woke up like me, it was probably a bit more than that), it was one less hour to get ready in the morning, and it was a lot more than just one more person missing from morning Sunday service.

If we lost the hour 2AM to 3AM here, what transforms this hour to an extra hour of sunlight when we get it back?  Is it like compounded interest?  Is it that good things come to people that wait [half a year]?

For me, life goes on as usual; reminiscing on the late night hours that we miss out on now.

Truths and Lies

I'd like to think of myself as a truthful person, where my lies usually come in forms of blatant jokes or blatant exaggerations in jest.

However, I've found that I have one blaring lie that I seemingly tell very often.  It's usually in response to a question that people hear all the time.

"How are you?"

I've found myself perpetually lying to this question, because frankly, not everything is okay.  No, my day isn't always great.  No, my days don't always go perfectly.  No, I am not well rested.  No, I'm not feeling well.  No, my classes aren't going great.  No, I could definitely use time away.  No, I'm not surrounded by people who love me for who I am.  No, I don't always feel included.

But when you think about it, how many people can you say, would actually listen to you, if you said that?  It's so much easier to say "Yeah, I'm fine.  How about you?"

I can lie all I want (it's just frowned upon) to other people, but I cannot lie to myself, when I look in the mirror.

I am NOT okay.  (Thanks for asking, though.)

LNYF 2011: Reflections

The Year of the Rabbit.

A year, characterized by an animal in American culture seen as lucky and quick, but characterized in Chinese culture as happy and sweet.  I couldn't have described this year any better about our preparations for LNYF.

Donning the black and red sequined pants for the 3rd time in my 4 year career here, Lion Dance has become something that is nothing short of symbolic for me and Jeremy.  We've come a long way since first looking at an LNYF trailer of Lion Dance, and saying to each other, "Let's do THAT."  Coming in as a veteran pair and picking up a friend along the way to complete the choreographer trifecta was not only fun, but also made the rather stressful job of making sure all the dancers knew the dance and did it correctly...easier.

I don't think any other dance (maybe Tinikiling) could really say that the dancers laughed nearly as much at their practices as the Lion Dancers did.  At times, it was kind of stressful, certainly when we appeared behind schedule and ended up wasting a lot of our late nights, either waiting on the entire crew to show up, or just silly Lion antics in between conditioning and choreo routines (i.e. jumping over blocks in Olin, tossing a recycle bin to simulate tossing a Lion head, toprocking under a head sit...etc).

I thought it was particularly advantageous that we only had one new member to our Lion Dance crew this year: Wendy, and boy (girl?), was she a great addition.  Not only did she pick up the dance very fast, but she added a brand new spark that we wouldn't have had otherwise.  Because of her, our Lions now even have names! Our black/red lion is now Cinnamon, the white/gold lion is now Sugar, and the little baby lion is now Pepper.  Seeing that kind of enthusiasm in everyone rehearsing, not only made the practices that much more exciting and productive, but it also left me confident that Lion would continue to be a baller dance, even after Jeremy and I graduated.

As a senior, it never really hit me that this was my last rodeo.  That, after this, there was no LNYF left.  When we finally got around to learning and practicing for Senior Dance, it hit me that the dancers in this dance generally only get one opportunity to perform this dance.  This meant that everyone put all of their energy into being ridiculous and highly spirited, appropriate for a class that has invested a full 4 years into this school, and for many of us, this show.

I could tell you that I was perfectly confident in learning all the dance moves, and I could say how my past dance experience meant that the choreo was easy, but that would all be a lie.  I hadn't danced anything other than Lion Dance for the longest time, and needless to say, this is a whole different genre.  However, it was refreshing to dance a routine not hunched over under a Lion cape; for once, people could my smile and how happy I was while performing.  I couldn't have asked for a more ridiculous, more appropriate Senior Dance partner than Lily, and I want to shout out to Lily, Jerry and Linda for choreographing what was probably the most legit Senior Dance in the years that I've witnessed the show.

I am so lucky to be able to have these experiences in the dances that I participated in this year, and the time passed by so quickly.  I am very happy that all the hard work everyone put in resulted in a sweet show, one worthy to end my LNYF career on.

Luckily, we've got a couple more performances on the side for Lion Dance in the next couple weeks, but after I hang up the sequin pants for good, I'm really going to miss it.

Nature Laminated, Mind Illuminated

I look outside, and immediately am tempted to walk outside.  It's quiet, almost too quiet, where it's like everyone in the world but me has disappeared.  As I explore this deserted wonderland, I see a long, winding path before me.  A chilling breeze blows across my face, and I am reminded of the loneliness that we face when we rely on ourselves, and not God.

I carefully tread forward, as the ground has been turned into a brick-colored skating rink, with no handlebars or walkers to help guide you.  I slip and fall from a section of hidden ice, and when I climb back upright, I see a row of trees, standing together, united in their foundation of the Earth.  The trees are deeply rooted, bound to their support Rock individually, but empowered together, all frozen physically and seemingly in time.

The tree branches are completely covered with a not-so-thin layer of ice, as if someone came across the world with a giant laminator, and has sheet-protected the entire outside world.  As I stand there, now mystified by the delicate nature of each individual tree branch, leaf, and berry, I cannot help but notice the beauty and attention to detail.  A feeling of happiness mixed in with a touch of awe overwhelms my mind, as only the Lord Himself could have created something this beautiful, and in such a short period of time.

As I continue my trek, taking in the frozen sights, a cell phone chime echoes.  As I pull the phone out of my pocket, a warm, familiar face greets me while I look down at the screen and press Answer.  I can't help but smile as I pull the phone closer to my ear.

I guess I wasn't so lonely after all.