Truths and Lies

I'd like to think of myself as a truthful person, where my lies usually come in forms of blatant jokes or blatant exaggerations in jest.

However, I've found that I have one blaring lie that I seemingly tell very often.  It's usually in response to a question that people hear all the time.

"How are you?"

I've found myself perpetually lying to this question, because frankly, not everything is okay.  No, my day isn't always great.  No, my days don't always go perfectly.  No, I am not well rested.  No, I'm not feeling well.  No, my classes aren't going great.  No, I could definitely use time away.  No, I'm not surrounded by people who love me for who I am.  No, I don't always feel included.

But when you think about it, how many people can you say, would actually listen to you, if you said that?  It's so much easier to say "Yeah, I'm fine.  How about you?"

I can lie all I want (it's just frowned upon) to other people, but I cannot lie to myself, when I look in the mirror.

I am NOT okay.  (Thanks for asking, though.)

LNYF 2011: Reflections

The Year of the Rabbit.

A year, characterized by an animal in American culture seen as lucky and quick, but characterized in Chinese culture as happy and sweet.  I couldn't have described this year any better about our preparations for LNYF.

Donning the black and red sequined pants for the 3rd time in my 4 year career here, Lion Dance has become something that is nothing short of symbolic for me and Jeremy.  We've come a long way since first looking at an LNYF trailer of Lion Dance, and saying to each other, "Let's do THAT."  Coming in as a veteran pair and picking up a friend along the way to complete the choreographer trifecta was not only fun, but also made the rather stressful job of making sure all the dancers knew the dance and did it correctly...easier.

I don't think any other dance (maybe Tinikiling) could really say that the dancers laughed nearly as much at their practices as the Lion Dancers did.  At times, it was kind of stressful, certainly when we appeared behind schedule and ended up wasting a lot of our late nights, either waiting on the entire crew to show up, or just silly Lion antics in between conditioning and choreo routines (i.e. jumping over blocks in Olin, tossing a recycle bin to simulate tossing a Lion head, toprocking under a head sit...etc).

I thought it was particularly advantageous that we only had one new member to our Lion Dance crew this year: Wendy, and boy (girl?), was she a great addition.  Not only did she pick up the dance very fast, but she added a brand new spark that we wouldn't have had otherwise.  Because of her, our Lions now even have names! Our black/red lion is now Cinnamon, the white/gold lion is now Sugar, and the little baby lion is now Pepper.  Seeing that kind of enthusiasm in everyone rehearsing, not only made the practices that much more exciting and productive, but it also left me confident that Lion would continue to be a baller dance, even after Jeremy and I graduated.

As a senior, it never really hit me that this was my last rodeo.  That, after this, there was no LNYF left.  When we finally got around to learning and practicing for Senior Dance, it hit me that the dancers in this dance generally only get one opportunity to perform this dance.  This meant that everyone put all of their energy into being ridiculous and highly spirited, appropriate for a class that has invested a full 4 years into this school, and for many of us, this show.

I could tell you that I was perfectly confident in learning all the dance moves, and I could say how my past dance experience meant that the choreo was easy, but that would all be a lie.  I hadn't danced anything other than Lion Dance for the longest time, and needless to say, this is a whole different genre.  However, it was refreshing to dance a routine not hunched over under a Lion cape; for once, people could my smile and how happy I was while performing.  I couldn't have asked for a more ridiculous, more appropriate Senior Dance partner than Lily, and I want to shout out to Lily, Jerry and Linda for choreographing what was probably the most legit Senior Dance in the years that I've witnessed the show.

I am so lucky to be able to have these experiences in the dances that I participated in this year, and the time passed by so quickly.  I am very happy that all the hard work everyone put in resulted in a sweet show, one worthy to end my LNYF career on.

Luckily, we've got a couple more performances on the side for Lion Dance in the next couple weeks, but after I hang up the sequin pants for good, I'm really going to miss it.

Nature Laminated, Mind Illuminated

I look outside, and immediately am tempted to walk outside.  It's quiet, almost too quiet, where it's like everyone in the world but me has disappeared.  As I explore this deserted wonderland, I see a long, winding path before me.  A chilling breeze blows across my face, and I am reminded of the loneliness that we face when we rely on ourselves, and not God.

I carefully tread forward, as the ground has been turned into a brick-colored skating rink, with no handlebars or walkers to help guide you.  I slip and fall from a section of hidden ice, and when I climb back upright, I see a row of trees, standing together, united in their foundation of the Earth.  The trees are deeply rooted, bound to their support Rock individually, but empowered together, all frozen physically and seemingly in time.

The tree branches are completely covered with a not-so-thin layer of ice, as if someone came across the world with a giant laminator, and has sheet-protected the entire outside world.  As I stand there, now mystified by the delicate nature of each individual tree branch, leaf, and berry, I cannot help but notice the beauty and attention to detail.  A feeling of happiness mixed in with a touch of awe overwhelms my mind, as only the Lord Himself could have created something this beautiful, and in such a short period of time.

As I continue my trek, taking in the frozen sights, a cell phone chime echoes.  As I pull the phone out of my pocket, a warm, familiar face greets me while I look down at the screen and press Answer.  I can't help but smile as I pull the phone closer to my ear.

I guess I wasn't so lonely after all.